Why Do I Bother?

I’ve been a bit self absorbed lately. The problem is that I haven’t really been aware of it because … well, because I’ve been self absorbed. It all started about a month ago when I had a major change in my job. See, I had been working in a managerial position for almost 2 years. I was “underfilling” an open position. The nature of an underfill is that it is temporary. But the circumstances of my position led me to believe that although temporary, it was also indefinite. It’s a long story, but when the superintendent of our facility retired it started a whole avalanche of events leading to me losing my position. It wasn’t in any way related to my performance, and was in no way personal, but it was still quite a blow to my ego. I am now working among the people who I until recently was supervising. I went from a day shift with flexible hours and weekends and holidays off to a swing shift, 2-10, with Mondays and Tuesdays off. Since that time I have become quite resentful toward my job for what this change has cost me. It has cost me some pride, some money, and worst of all it has cost me some valuable time with my wife.

Ironically, I have been so wrapped up in my ill feelings that I have been inattentive, and sometimes even unkind to my wife. She has been so understanding, and I have been a grouch most of the time. When we had to take a cut in pay, Mel took extra hours at work to help ease the loss. This morning she asked me for some attention and instead of taking the opportunity to make the most of a little time together, I was slow to respond and light on the affection. It hurt her feelings, and it wasn’t the first time.

When she didn’t tell me in a perfectly kind and gentle way how I had made her feel, I became hurt. Now, I’m not prepared to tell you that my feelings were completely unreasonable, but it was my own behavior that led us to the situation we faced together this morning.

I wish I could say that I suddenly realized it all and made a heartfelt and genuine appeal for forgiveness, but the truth is I didn’t. It took a walk in the park and many frank words from both of us to clear things up in my head.

I am so lucky to have her. How could I have forgotten to thank her every day?

Tags: Family, Love and Marriage, Work //