Why Do I Bother?

Today I got to experience something few people do. I got to see myself from the inside.

I’ve had Acid Reflux for a long time and have been taking medication for it. Unfortunately I still have symptoms in spite of the medication. My doctor felt that it was worth taking a look in there to see if any damage had been done. It’s called an endoscopy.

In case you don’t recognize a healthy esophagus, stomach, and duodenum when you see one, that’s what you’re seeing. The images get much larger (and wetter) when you click on them.

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I know … it’s not as catchy as Ishmael, but if the shoe fits or whatever. 

I just got braces on my lower teeth today and I must say that it is every bit as crummy as I thought it would be.  I’m sure that the suffering I am facing now will only be outdone by the suffering I will face when it comes time to do the dental implants.

Those aren’t really my teeth over there on the right side, I just put that picture up because it is so pretty.

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I have been cutting back a bit on my blog posts lately because it causes me a considerable amount of pain and discomfort to type at the computer. I have not yet seen a doctor, but everything I read indicates that my pain is a result of CTS (Carpal Tunnel Syndrome). Tomorrow is Monday and I plan to give the doctor a call and see if I can’t get this daignosed and taken care of. In the meantime, my posts will be shorter and less frequent. Please stick around, I’ll be back to normal in no time, I’m sure.

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(link to title reference)

I haven’t had a good nights sleep for oh … at least 3 to 4 months. By that I mean that it is typical for me to be up 3 or 4 times a night for whatever reason; to pee, to check the thermostat, to get more water, to check out strange noises, whatever. Needless to say, my physical and mental health have been suffering because of this.

Did you know that sleep deprivation is used as a method to torture prisoners? Did you know that sleep deprivation and sleepwalking has been successfully used as a defense in murder trials? Did you know that Sleep deprivation afflicts about 25% of americans and results in limited physical and mental functioning and has even been linked to adult diabetes?

Now before you call in emergency services, I was not yet to the point where murder seems like a reasonable behavior. So far, my symptoms were limited to my own personal suffering. Who knows what might have happened though …

Maybe my wife already knew about that murder thing when she agreed that we should get a new bed. I had been complaining for a couple months that our bed was inadequate and last week we finally went and invested in a new bed. I say “invested” because it is no small expense to buy a decent bed. We decide to get one from Sleep Comfort. You know the Sleep Number Bed? Lindsay Wagner?

It arrived via UPS after about 4 days. I came home to find 4 large boxes sitting on my front porch. Thank God I live in a decent neighborhood where it is somewhat safe to leave $1800 worth of mechandise unattended on your front porch. Anyway, after about an hour of work the bed was in place and beckoning to me.

I spent the first night alone, since Mel had not yet returned from Chicago. For the first night in a very long time I didn’t get up once! You can’t imagine how relieved I was to look over at the clock by the bed and see that it was 8:30, not 2:30!

There are a few things that you should never skimp on in my opinion. They are a good pair of shoes, a quality vehicle, and a good bed. I might also add a good shot of scotch to that list.

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Dad’s heart surgery went very well yesterday. The surgeon made 30 holes in his heart with a laser in a relatively new and seldom performed surgery called TMR. As I explained in a previous post, it is not really understood why this benefits some heart patients, but it is suspected that it stimulates the growth of new blood vessels and possibly also deadens some nerves resulting in reduced chest pain.

In addition to the TMR, two more grafts were made to bypass arteries on the back side of the heart which is also seldom done because of the difficulty of the procedure.

As of this morning, Dad was sitting up and had made a phone call to my sister to ask her to bring him a pillow from home. He is still experiencing some pain from the surgery, which is normal.

Thanks for all your thoughts and good wishes.

You may be interested in reading my brothers post on the same topic.

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Here is dad’s latest contribution to my blog:

Well, here it is, Saturday night at 10:15. I had many goals this week and accomplished so few. I wanted my shop to be clean before I went into the hospital on Monday. I don’t think that is going to happen. I have a pot on the lathe that is absorbing my fascination. It wants to be something I am not sure I am prepared to let it be.

It seems to want to be a mixed medium pot. It seemed to beg me today to get some very fine copper wire to use in completing the project. I, weakly, ordered the materials.

I did complete a vessel, though, that speaks to me when I hold it in my hands. Wood has a way of doing that if you listen closely. It speaks words of comfort to me. It is so smooth that it feels soft. It fits in the hands so well and would be seen as beautiful even by a person without sight.

Am I bragging? I don’t think so. I think I am just reporting the truth that can only be found in wood. Wood is alive I think. It loves the tender use of sharp chisels and the prudent use of sandpaper and proper finishes. It rewards me when I put forth the co-effort that only a team can perform.

I am feeling very philosophical today. I am a little frightened about entering the hospital on Monday. I don’t think I like having this much time to think about my impending surgery on Tuesday. The pain is too much though and the surgery gives me some hope of relief.

I wonder what the surgeon feels when he holds my heart in his hands. I wonder if he feels the same response that wood gives me when I master it.

It will be some weeks before I am able to return to my shop for any serious work. I hope to finish the turning of this mixed medium tyrant on the lathe right now. It will be tomorrow before I can get to it.

There is a quote I have used often when doing therapy with the youth I served. It is “Wherever you are, be there.” When you are inside the prison walls don’t imagine yourself outside the walls because you waste the gift that today has for you. I am struggling with being where I am as opposed to where I would rather be.

Enjoy looking at my new pot. Imagine holding it and feeling it in your hands. It loves to be held and caressed. So do I.

Since my shop is not cleaned up I guess I have to come back from the hospital and do it, right? If I have more work to do I have to come back to do it, right? I will write again soon. I have several pots available to good homes where caressing is encouraged.

Richard Benham
Heirloom Woodworking
check out my website at
http://www.heirloompens.com

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