Why Do I Bother?

traffic jam

I spent the day working with my father in his wood shop yesterday. We’re trying to get it cleaned up and organized so he can get around in there without killing himself. Chris is helping too, actually he’s helping a lot more than I am since he lives so much closer to my parents. We’ve gotten quite a bit accomplished in the last couple weeks.

Around 4:00 or so I remembered that I was supposed to meet a friend, Bryan, for dinner. My phone had died so I wasn’t able to get his phone call letting me know that he was ready at 3:00. Getting from my parents house to mine requires the use of 2 freeways, I5 and I205. On the way I called Bryan to let him know that I would hurry home and see him as soon as I got changed, but about 5 minutes later I had to call him back because I got stopped on the on-ramp to I205. Traffic was at a standstill for no apparent reason. I205 can get busy at rush hour, but it was still a bit early for that. The on-ramp is pretty long from I5 to I205 and curves around under I5 before you get there so I was unable to see very far ahead. I could only assume that there was an accident ahead as these are common on I205.

Inch by inch I crawled along the on-ramp. I got up to 5 miles an hour at one point before having to lurch to a stop again. This continued for about 3 miles until I saw up ahead some flashing lights. It took some time to reach a point where I could actually see what was going on, but the close I got the less it looked like an accident at all.

When I finally reached the scene there was a semi pulled over to the side of the freeway with a police car behind it with the lights on. It wasn’t an accident at all. The trailer doors were open, but it looked very much like a routine stop for speeding or something like that. The officer and the truck driver were standing at the back of the truck having some conversation about whatever the problem was. No injuries, no smashed vehicles, no blood and guts, nothing. Now I’m pissed for three reasons.

First, I missed my dinner with Bryan. He’s been away for a few days and I really enjoy spending time with him, but our schedules limit the time we can spend together.

Second, and this is a bit morbid, there’s nothing cool to see here. If I’m going to wait in traffic, inching along like the line to a popular roller coaster, I want to see some attraction at the end of the line.

And third, what the hell are people driving so slow for?! As soon as we passed the truck traffic sped up to its normal pace. I mean immediately. There was absolutely no reason for people to be driving like this. Seriously, if you are one of those people get off the road. Take the bus. You are forbidden to drive anymore. No, really.

argh.

Technorati Tags: Traffic, I5, I205, accident, freeway, police

Tags: Family, Gripes by Jeffrey
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My brother and his wife cooked dinner for us today, Easter. It was very good. He marinated 3 butterflied legs of lamb in different marinades then grilled them today. I love lamb.

It was also nice to see the whole family together today. That doesn’t happen very often these days. It almost didn’t happen today in fact since I usually work on Sundays, but a fortunate accident made it possible. Saturday I went into work as I always do. I unloaded all of my gear and went to sign in when the person who covers our vacation time off showed up. It was unexpected since I wasn’t aware that anyone was on VTO (vacation time off) that day. He approached me with a confused look on his face and said, “what are you doing here?” It seems that I had signed up for Saturday and Sunday off this week and had completely forgotten about it. It took me about 2 minutes to load up again and get the hell out of there. A bit embarrassing though. I’ve never done that before.

While it was nice to spend time with my family, it was even nicer to spend some time with my wife who has been away the last couple days visiting her family. We went to see a movie, “Inside Man” with Denzel Washington, and came home to eat grapes, drink wine, and play a game of cribbage. Our 3rd anniversary is coming up next month. I am still so much in love with her in spite of the fact that she recently pointed out a new gray hair where there shouldn’t be one. Use your imagination.

Technorati Tags: Easter, lamb, family, vacation, wife, gray hair

Tags: Easter, Family, Love and Marriage, Work by Jeffrey
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Mel is out of town again until Tuesday. She left Thursday afternoon for a conference in Chicago. By now I should be used to her being away on trips, but it never really becomes easy. I’m sleeping alone in a bed that is uncomfortable even when she is here. I have to beg the cats to sleep at the foot of the bed to keep me warm.

Our work schedules are so incompatible that I cherish all the time we have together. She says it makes our time together more special because of its rarity. I say I want more of it anyway. It’s no fun being alone and missing her.

She called tonight to say that she had read my blog and was hoping to read something about her here. This post after the fact isn’t going to make me any points, but it is worth saying again publicly anyway that I miss her and I love her.

See you Tuesday, hon.

Technorati Tags: Mel, conference, Chicago, work, schedules, time, alone, miss, love

Tags: Family, Love and Marriage by Jeffrey
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I read a post entitled “Dad” today at the Martian Anthropologist that really made me reflect on how lucky I am to have such a great father. The Martian (I’m sure he has a real name) paused to think about his role as a father and his regret that he doesn’t have the sort of father he needs.

He says:

I was thinking today, as I often do, that it must be nice to have a father. Or even a father figure. It must be nice to have someone in your life that is stronger and wiser than you are; someone you can always lean on, someone who can give you advice.

With all that has been going on with dad’s health recently, I have become very aware of my relationship with him with all it’s blessings and shortcomings. I know that I haven’t always been the son that every father dreams of. I know from conversations with him that dad feels like he has not lived up to his end of the bargain either. Quite frankly, we are probably both right.

But for all of the regrets of my youth, I am so happy and grateful for what we share today. Over the past few years my father has become my good friend. Whatever we missed out on in the past, what we share now is more than I could hope for. I count myself among the lucky ones.

I am not a father. Someday maybe I will get the chance to try on that role and I hope to do it well. In the meantime, I hope that I can play the role of a man half as well as my dad does.

And to the Martian I say, you already have a head start on your wish to be the kind of father to your son that you wish for yourself. You love him, I can see that. Tell him as often as you can. He’s lucky to have you … you are lucky to have each other.

Technorati Tags: Dad, Martian Anthropologist, father, father figure, health, relationship, blessings, son, regrets, happy, grateful, lucky, man, love

Tags: Family by Jeffrey
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Dad’s heart surgery went very well yesterday. The surgeon made 30 holes in his heart with a laser in a relatively new and seldom performed surgery called TMR. As I explained in a previous post, it is not really understood why this benefits some heart patients, but it is suspected that it stimulates the growth of new blood vessels and possibly also deadens some nerves resulting in reduced chest pain.

In addition to the TMR, two more grafts were made to bypass arteries on the back side of the heart which is also seldom done because of the difficulty of the procedure.

As of this morning, Dad was sitting up and had made a phone call to my sister to ask her to bring him a pillow from home. He is still experiencing some pain from the surgery, which is normal.

Thanks for all your thoughts and good wishes.

You may be interested in reading my brothers post on the same topic.

Technorati Tags: Dad, heart surgery, surgeon, TMR, blood vessels, chest pain, bypass, heart, surgery

Tags: Family, Health by Jeffrey
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Here is dad’s latest contribution to my blog:

Well, here it is, Saturday night at 10:15. I had many goals this week and accomplished so few. I wanted my shop to be clean before I went into the hospital on Monday. I don’t think that is going to happen. I have a pot on the lathe that is absorbing my fascination. It wants to be something I am not sure I am prepared to let it be.

It seems to want to be a mixed medium pot. It seemed to beg me today to get some very fine copper wire to use in completing the project. I, weakly, ordered the materials.

I did complete a vessel, though, that speaks to me when I hold it in my hands. Wood has a way of doing that if you listen closely. It speaks words of comfort to me. It is so smooth that it feels soft. It fits in the hands so well and would be seen as beautiful even by a person without sight.

Am I bragging? I don’t think so. I think I am just reporting the truth that can only be found in wood. Wood is alive I think. It loves the tender use of sharp chisels and the prudent use of sandpaper and proper finishes. It rewards me when I put forth the co-effort that only a team can perform.

I am feeling very philosophical today. I am a little frightened about entering the hospital on Monday. I don’t think I like having this much time to think about my impending surgery on Tuesday. The pain is too much though and the surgery gives me some hope of relief.

I wonder what the surgeon feels when he holds my heart in his hands. I wonder if he feels the same response that wood gives me when I master it.

It will be some weeks before I am able to return to my shop for any serious work. I hope to finish the turning of this mixed medium tyrant on the lathe right now. It will be tomorrow before I can get to it.

There is a quote I have used often when doing therapy with the youth I served. It is “Wherever you are, be there.” When you are inside the prison walls don’t imagine yourself outside the walls because you waste the gift that today has for you. I am struggling with being where I am as opposed to where I would rather be.

Enjoy looking at my new pot. Imagine holding it and feeling it in your hands. It loves to be held and caressed. So do I.

Since my shop is not cleaned up I guess I have to come back from the hospital and do it, right? If I have more work to do I have to come back to do it, right? I will write again soon. I have several pots available to good homes where caressing is encouraged.

Richard Benham
Heirloom Woodworking
check out my website at
http://www.heirloompens.com

Technorati Tags: shop, hospital, lathe, Wood, chisel, sandpaper, finish, frightened, surgeon, pot, Heirloom Woodworking

Tags: Dad's Shop, Family, Features, Health by Jeffrey
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