Scratching, Belching and Farting
Mel comes back this Saturday and I’m sure she is expecting to find a huge mess. She predicted that with her gone I would quickly revert to bachelorhood as most men do when the boss … err wife is away. But I have not devolved into that primitive state. I remain as much a modern married man today as I was one week ago.
A whole week has passed and not once have I worn dirty underwear. I have not gulped milk or juice directly from the carton and placed it back in the fridge. I have not parked in front of the television for days with a case of beer and a box of Captain Crunch. I have not taken to scratching, belching, and farting in public.
In fact, I have accomplished quite a lot without Mel around to remind me of my responsibilities. Let’s see … I have taken down the Christmas lights (yeah, I know it’s February). I have cleaned up the fallen branches in the yard from the recent storms. I have emptied the litter box. I have fed the cats. Hell, I even washed the cats all by myself. I paid the bills. I did all the laundry. I helped Dad with some moving around his place. I ate a can of “Healthy Choice” soup for God’s sake! I can take care of myself for a whole week!
Alright … it hasn’t been all good. I have to admit that I did order a pizza and bread sticks for dinner the other night. I did drink a beer while watching a movie. I have played too many video games and too much poker. I have not shaved everyday. I chose not to shower on my day off. I bought a carton of strawberry Whoppers.
But let’s face it, I do those things when she’s home too.
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February is fast becoming ‘take the Christmas lights down’ month.